This past summer was fabulous. My brother-in-law got married and so my family got to go to India and participate in a typical South Indian wedding ceremony end to end, including all the pre- and post-wedding rituals, pre- and post-wedding parties, gift giving and receiving, the astrology and horoscope-based ceremonies, the auspicious poojas, and other traditions that the elders insist must be done. My daughter was very excited.
A lot of these traditions stem from past experience that is barely remembered by those present. The ancestral, ethnic, clannish practices and formalities bring two tribes together and restore relationships. Sometimes, cultural differences between the families get in the way, whether its religious beliefs, food customs, or other ceremonial preferences. The two sides don’t agree, with one side insisting that the wedding rituals need to be performed based on their tribal culture while the other says that they won’t participate if a particular ceremony is done.
It really comes down to herding cats. Typical, a few senior family members become facilitators how help the group get through the rough patches. In the end, everyone is relieved, both bride and groom, and the parents. The whole objective of the occasion is to engage this new couple and initiate them in this new phase in their lives. Sometimes, of course, the agenda of other family members (hanging on to past hurts, proving success, etc.) can get in the way. Everyone puts a lot of stock into who is invited, what they should wear, and who is getting attention. It gets challenging, but it is also fun working through these challenges. It’s an opportunity to form new relationships and have new experiences.
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